If only we completed an exit plan before we got married there would be fewer surprises. However, love gets in the way of common sense far too often.
Many marriages follow the time-honored course of a wedding, children, followed by a parent deciding to be the stay-at-home parent, anniversary parties (and gifts!), retirement parties, cruises, grandchildren … it is the story of many, but not all.
When the story gets disrupted, we sometimes begin to regret decisions made when there was only one expected outcome – the time-honored story of ‘til death do we part.’
So, you ask, what should be added to the courtship, engagement, and wedding process to minimize surprises?
First, emotions will need to be set aside.
Second, perhaps consider marriage as a business deal. Discussing the roles and responsibilities of your marital partnership now and later.
For example, if the two of you decide to have a stay-at-home partner to manage the household, raise kids, or to generally provide a balance of family, what are the impacts?
Initially, the non-income earning spouse (but valuable contributor) will not be able to contribute to retirement accounts at the level of an employed person, nor receive employer matching funds. There will not be contributions to social security (regardless of your thoughts around the viability of social security). If previously participating in a pension plan, there will not be employer contributions. Skillset will age and the years of working for a company and proving value will evaporate. Some may even feel the benefit of providing the home and parenting services of a family can help the otherwise employed spouse build a business, grow a business, or excel in a corporate career or profession. Hard to put a value. Is your relationship50/50?
Moreover, if there are assets being brought into the marriage what would be the conversation around division? For those of you divorced, in family law, or otherwise informed that Arizona is a community property state, you are thinking these assets would be considered sole and separate. Remember we are discussing what a couple may consider negotiable and what a dissolution would look like, before it happens, to make informed marital decisions.
Consider what you are sacrificing if the ever-after does not materialize. Once a career is sacrificed you simply can’t recreate the opportunity at age 60. What are the values of each of your contributions to a vision of happily-ever-after that terminates? Determining that now will help avoid the minimization of your contributions should a divorce become a reality. It is very common for hindsight viewing of a relationship to carry rationale on why much is unfair. Fairness has never been a word that reconciles with divorce. The financial becomes a point of contention and each party generally wants to ‘win’, when winning has never been a part of divorce.
Marriage to separation may be described as ‘ours’ to ‘mine’. The focus shifts from collective to individual and blaming begins. As you may see with others divorcing, there is often the sentiment of financial restitution for the actions of one spouse. However, that is not part of the divorce process in Arizona. Plan in advance with a legally prepared pre-nuptial agreement, adjust with post-nuptial changes, all in hopes that the agreement(s) will not only hold in a divorce, but even potentially help parties stay committed to the efforts of making a relationship work.
By understanding the consequences of life decisions, you may be better prepared to discuss the different outcomes and expected agreements. Love and common sense can co-exist with good communication.
If you want to know more about planning for the happily-ever-after, call us for your complimentary initial consultation at 602.923.9800. The planning process can bring financial clarity.
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